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Just realized my old way of handling angry callers was totally backwards
For years I worked a call center job in Phoenix taking insurance complaints. I always thought you had to match the customer's energy to show you understood them, like getting loud with loud people. I was dead wrong. About 6 months ago a guy named Rick called in fuming about a denied claim, and instead of raising my voice I just went totally flat and calm. He actually paused and said "wait, you're not mad?" and then calmed down himself within 2 minutes. Now I use that trick every time and it works about 80% of the time. Has anyone else found that lowering your energy actually de-escalates better than mirroring?
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beth_butler751mo ago
Tried that exact thing myself. Used to get loud back at people and it just made everything worse. Then one day I just whispered back to a screaming guy on the phone. He shut up real quick. Something about not matching their energy throws them off. They expect you to fight back. When you don't, they have nothing to push against.
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avery_fox931mo ago
wait wait wait, @beth_butler75 you WHISPERED back to a screaming guy?? That is wild to me, lol. I feel like I would just be too scared to go that quiet in case they thought I was mocking them or something. But honestly it makes total sense when you say they have nothing to push against, that's like the whole trick right there. I've been doing the flat calm thing too but whispering feels like a whole other level of power move. How do you even keep a straight face doing that without cracking up? I gotta try that next time someone goes off on me, even if it feels super weird at first.
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