TIL I stopped hiding my birth mom story after a random coffee shop chat

For like 7 years I would just say 'oh my parents are fine' whenever someone asked about family. It was easier than explaining that my birth mom placed me for adoption when I was 3 days old. Then last month I was at a Starbucks in Denver and this older woman started talking about her grandkid's adoption. I just blurted out 'I was adopted too' and she didn't even blink. She told me about being a birth mom in the 80s and how she still sends birthday cards every year. That conversation made me realize I had been treating my story like a secret when it's really just part of my life. Now I actually tell people when it comes up naturally and it feels way less heavy. Has anyone else had a random stranger change how you talk about your adoption story?

3 comments

3 Comments

blaked797d ago

Did you ever try just saying it out loud when you were alone first? I did that for a week before I told anyone, just saying "I was adopted" into my bathroom mirror. Practicing the words by yourself can make it way easier when you're actually in a conversation, because your brain stops treating it like a big scary reveal.

the_river7d ago

That part about treating your story like a secret really hit me. I had a friend from college who was adopted at birth and she always used to dodge questions about her family too. One day she was at a bus stop and this guy just started talking about how he reconnected with his biological dad after 30 years. She said it was like something clicked for her hearing a stranger be so open about it. After that she started being way more honest with people and she told me it made her feel a thousand times lighter. It is crazy how one random conversation can flip a switch like that.

nelson.gavin7d ago

Man, it's wild how that works. I've seen this happen a bunch actually - people just need one person to go first and it breaks the ice for everyone else. Like at my old gym, this guy started talking openly about his divorce during a workout, and suddenly three other dudes were sharing their own stories. It's like we're all waiting for permission to be real with each other, and once someone gives it, the whole room shifts.