Just realized open adoption vs closed adoption is night and day different

I tried closed adoption first with my son's birth mom back in 2018 and it was honestly a mess. No updates, no photos, just this big empty hole where answers should be. Last year we switched to an open arrangement with regular letters and a yearly visit. She got to see his first birthday party last June and it changed everything for both of us. Has anyone else made that switch and noticed a huge difference in how you feel about the whole situation?

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anthony_wells7d ago

Oh man, YES. We did closed with my daughter's birth mom at first and I completely get what you mean. It was like a ghost was just hanging over everything. No updates, no photos, just this weird void. We switched to open about a year ago and it's night and day. She came to her second birthday party and just seeing her cry happy tears when our daughter smashed the cake made everything click. I didn't realize how much I needed that connection too. It's like the tension just melted away once we both could see each other as real people instead of just names on paperwork.