I finally saw the difference between open and closed adoption after my aunt shared her experience

My aunt placed a baby for adoption back in '92 and did a closed adoption. She never got updates, never knew anything. She just had to trust the agency. I did an open adoption 3 years ago with my daughter's adoptive parents. We exchange photos and emails every month, even did a visit last summer in Portland. The difference is night and day. She still gets sad about it, but I can actually see my kid growing up happy. Has anyone else with an older relative seen how differently it hits them compared to what we have now?

2 comments

2 Comments

kaimiller3d ago

I don't know, I have to push back on the "weird mix of guilt and relief" thing. My aunt did a closed adoption in the 80s too and she's fine, she moved on with her life. She has a family now, kids of her own, and she just treats it like a chapter that closed. Not everybody sits around agonizing over it for decades. Some people just trust the system and don't need to see pictures every month to feel okay about their decision. I get that open adoption works great for some, but I think people oversell how "damaging" closed adoption is. It depends on the person, not the type of adoption.

beth_sanchez474d ago

My cousin did a closed adoption back in the late 80s and she still talks about it with this weird mix of guilt and relief. I remember reading once that the biggest difference is that closed adoptions basically cut off any chance for the birth parent to grieve or heal because there's just nothing to hold onto. With open adoption you can actually see the kid thriving and that makes the whole thing feel less like a loss and more like a different kind of family connection. It's just so much healthier for everyone involved.