I was arguing for open adoption records until my own daughter, placed 15 years ago, sent me a letter saying she wasn't ready.

I'd always pushed for laws like Oregon's, thinking all adoptees wanted to know, but her words, 'I need to find myself first,' made me see I was fighting for my own peace, not necessarily hers.

2 comments

2 Comments

rowanjenkins7d ago

That's a really hard lesson to learn. Makes you wonder how many other good ideas are just people trying to fix their own past.

the_willow7d ago

Yeah I was totally on board with open records too until something like this happened in my own family. My cousin found her birth mom and it went really bad, like screaming matches and police called bad. Changed my whole view. Sometimes the wanting to know comes from our own hurt, not what's actually good for the person. It's a tough pill to swallow when you realize your big cause might cause real harm.